Thursday, 11 July 2013

Mum vs Dad - On the phone




How a Mum has a phone conversation

The following is an excerpt from a recent conversation I had with my friend, Mummy M, who is a Mum to 3 girls.

(Note: Coloured font indicates conversations directed to our kids. Kids present during conversation: Miss M (23 months) and Master Q (9 months) and Mummy M’s Miss S (3 ½ years) and Miss H (23 months).

Ring Ring (That’s how phone’s used to sound).
Me: Hello (Screaming heard in background, sounds as if caller is phoning from the scene of an industrial accident)

Mummy M: It’s just me.

Me: Oh hi, wondered what all that screaming was about. (Holding phone to ear whilst browning pork to go in slow cooker)

Mummy M: Yeah just the usual. How are you? (Cleaning up in the kitchen)

Me: Oh surviving, Master Q is still sick and not sleeping, fed him four times last night.
Mummy M: Get off the couch now! You are going to hurt yourself! Oh it’s the worse when they’re sick, especially when they are that young, you just feed them so you can get them back to sleep.

Me: (Master Q and Miss M using me as a play gym) Would you two get off me? Here play with the ball. Ok, yes you are hugging your brother, that’s nice, ok now you are just strangling him, let him go! Sorry what was I saying? Oh yeah and now I have a cold and we have snot coming out everywhere and Miss M still has a manky eye. Oh geez it feels like it will never end.

Mummy M: (Loud beeping noises heard) Please take the Barbie computer further away, it’s too loud, I can’t hear. This is the worst phase for getting sick, after Miss S was born we felt like we were sick for the whole year. Ok, I’ve told you a thousand times, get off the couch, you are going to get hurt.  (Loud crying) You fool, I told you you would hurt yourself. She is just obsessed with standing on the couch and then just falls off and hurts herself. (More unintelligible screaming heard in the background) It’s a really hard phase, but it does get easier.

(Laughing from both of us)
Miss M: Nanna, Nanna, Nanna.

Me: It’s not Nanna. (Master Q grizzling)
Miss M: Nanna, Nanna, Nanna.  

Me: It’s not Nanna, sshh. (Master Q crying reaching a crescendo) Ok, that’s it Master Q off to bed. So how are the in-laws going? (Holding phone to ear whilst wrangling Master Q into sleeping bag and doing hand gestures and miming ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’)
Mummy M: Not too bad, but it’s exhausting cooking for everyone. (Screaming heard by what sounds like a mob of young girls at a One Direction concert) Ok, both of you go and watch Despicable Me.  Although John (Father-in-law) is having like 7 cups of coffee a day and using my coffee machine and commenting that it’s not the same as his. It’s driving me crazy, keep your hands off MY coffee machine!

Me: (Laughing) So will Miss H sit down and watch a movie will she? Ok, have you done a poo, Miss M? (Miss M runs off) You have, you stink. (A chase ensues around lounge room.)
Mummy M: Well sort of, of course she doesn’t really understand what’s happening but she likes the three girls and the little characters dancing. Yes, eat the mandarin, but that’s the last one.

Me: Oh geez (Wrestling Miss M whilst trying to change nappy full of dark brown soft poo. Phone still held to ear with shoulder.) I really regret feeding her that vegan chocolate cake last night.  
Mummy M: Well I better go, got to take Miss S to swimming lessons. She missed all her lessons last week because of the double ear infection so we have been going every day this week!

Me: Oh geez, your poor thing. (Scraping poo off nappy into toilet)
Mummy M: Oh well, at least she’s exhausted.

Me: That’s something! Ok, thanks for the call talk to you later.
Mummy M: Bye.

Me: Now Miss M, would you like to watch a DVD?

How a Dad has a phone conversation

Ring Ring
Dad: Hello

(Kids yelling in background)
Dad: I’m just going to take this in the other room. (Hands Master Q to me)

(Dad leaves chaos to have phone conversation in peace).

No comments:

Post a comment

Thanks for your comments!