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Morning cloud blanket |
My little family
has become my world with the daily top stories usually revolving around the
violent overthrow of cereal bowls, ownership disputes over a Peppa Pig phone
and top-level talks to solve a sleeping crisis. When I actually gained the courage to admit
the fact that I felt happiest being cut off from the harshness of the outside world
to husband, he replied, “That’s no way to
live”. Naturally part of me agrees and my pre-kids self does cringe at
hearing myself proclaim such a statement. Of course I don’t live in a bubble and with
our 24/7 news cycle there is no avoiding most of it but for me the news I gain
from the bulletins between my nightly TV viewing and snippets from the radio
are really enough for me.
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Cuddles before choking each other |
My desire to
focus more on the ongoing toddler/vegetable war and less on the troubles in
Crimea are not only fuelled by a lack of energy on my part but also because my sensitivities
to any sad story or tragic event has quadrupled since having kids of my own. Each
day there seems to be a headline involving a tragic toddler incident or a
family being ripped apart and hearing these stories cuts me to the core. Before
kids I can honestly say I was pretty immune to these kinds of headlines, but
now I can no longer take it all with a grain of salt. Nowadays these tragedies
stay with me. My thoughts go straight to my own kin, my heart aches for the
victims and I feel it in the pit of my stomach. I immediately think of how I
would cope with such heartbreak and then quickly stop myself before I sink deeper
into sadness. I double-check on the kids before I go to bed, laying my hand on
their chests, breathing in their sweetness, fighting the urge to want to squeeze
them tight and never leave the relative safe confines of our home again.
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Morning sunlight |
This reaction
although in part a natural reflex of a protective parent is not healthy when
you are at the point of wanting to avoid the world around you. I do realise
that I cannot prepare my kids properly for the world which they will inherit without
taking an interest in it. That although the majority of the news stories that
run across our screen will have little direct impact on my family they do serve
as a reminder. A reminder that the world and life in general is fragile and unpredictable.
I can only hope and pray that my own children will not have to experience the
level of hardship that we hear of too often in the news. But I am also acutely
aware that there will be a time when the reach of my arms will no longer be enough
to protect them.
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Footprints |
The saying
you “wear your heart on your sleeve” is no truer than when you have kids. It
opens a floodgate of emotions that on one hand allows you to have unlimited and
unconditional love for your little ones; a depth of which you have not known
before, but it also leaves you wholly open to heartache and to worries that if
not kept in check can sometimes take hold of you. At the moment my babies are
just starting out in the world and for a person that up until this point has
probably looked at life with a ‘glass half empty’ attitude (a “realist” I liked
to describe myself as!) I am keenly aware that this is not the kind of outlook
I want to encourage in my children.
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Solitude |
Therefore for this moment in time, to help
foster the imperative that I look upon this world with a more positive view I
may need to continue to live in the dark when it comes to the ‘bigger issues’
facing those around us. There is no need for my children to know the harsh
realities of life at their age. My job is to protect them from that. Childhood
is so fleeting and yet so instrumental in influencing the adults they will
become that sometimes the responsibility is overwhelming. So right now I am ok with being blissfully
ignorant and content to concern myself only with the battles that are waged by
my two toddlers, the rest of the world will just have to wait.
Do you agree? Do you find it hard to watch the day's headlines now that you have kids?
I know exactly what you mean... Fear and dread seem to be quicker to the rise to the surface these days and I can no longer let go of the worry that bad things can't happen to me. I also can't watch critically acclaimed movies with sad/depressing themes anymore. I prefer the shallow, happy ending ones. But I suppose that's part of being an adult. If ignorance is bliss, then you may as well embrace it because what you think about has the power to shape your life.
ReplyDeleteI am sure its a phase all parents go through, I think when you are dealing with the complexities and stress of raising kids sometimes knowing all the 'bad' things becomes too much. I agree I go straight for the mindless action or comedy movies these days too!
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