As a Stay At Home Mum for the last three years my days
have pretty much looked like this: get up upon hearing screaming children,
shuffle down to the kids’ rooms and begin the morning routine. Breakfast, nappies,
toilets, change clothes, play Lego, do dishes, do washing, make beds, put away
washing and whatever other chore is on the list for the day.
Get around to getting dressed about 9am (yes we are only
at 9am) and if the stars align (i.e. the kids aren’t killing each other) have a
shower, don my Mum “uniform” (jeans, long sleeve t-shirt and Skechers) and pull
my hair back in a ponytail. If I am feeling particularly adventurous a little
tinted moisturiser and lip gloss may be applied before leaving the house for
our daily activity. Our trips beyond the cocoon of our four walls, whether it
be shopping, the park, the library, playgroup or swimming lessons would be the
focus of the day and I would announce to Miss M upon waking, “It’s swimming day!”, or “It’s day care day!”, the whole day was
built around that day’s corresponding ‘event’. The days could still be long but
the weeks and months flew by and although there were days where you just didn’t
think you would make it through there was rarely a sense of dread in carrying
out my job as a SAHM. Of course you
don’t realise how good you’ve got it…
This is my usual morning view |
Yes, after over a year of deliberating and debating (you
can read about that here and here) I conceded defeat and have returned to work
(albeit part time). It has nearly been three years since I set foot in my
office and to say the weeks leading up to it were torture is an understatement.
The day reared its ugly head all too soon and last Monday
our morning routine looked more like this: wake up to an alarm at 5.50am (after
a very sleepless night worrying about the kids going to day care, missing the
train, not getting into my building and not knowing anyone), had a shower in peace (yes that was a
novelty), re-straightened my hair (having spent half an hour on Sunday night straightening
it for the first time in 6 months), applied makeup, put on my new suit, jewellery
and shoes with heels, packed my new
handbag (without a nappy, drink bottle or wipe in sight) and snuck out the
front door hoping not to wake the rest of the house.
I made it to the train on time and sat amongst other
business/work/student types pretending that I was not actually an imposter, wanting
to announce to everyone that I had once been one of them too. I like to look around
at fellow passengers whilst on the train and guess their ‘story’. I wondered
whether anyone was doing the same for me: Freshly
straightened hair, new handbag, nice coat but not expensive, heeled boots that
were in fashion about 3 years ago, looks tired and a little nervous, too old to
be a starting out = ‘A Mum returning
to work’.
Meanwhile back at home Husband has woken up the kids (which
never happens in our house) dressed them in the clothes I had laid out the
night before, wrestled them into shoes and jackets, collected their pre-packed day
care bags and set off for the dreaded day care drop off. Both kids as predicted
cried and refused to let go of husband, he pried the kids off his legs and set
off for work.
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This was my view last week |
Half an hour later we met up for a coffee, which we both
drank in one sitting, without interruption and without any stains on us at its
conclusion. It seemed weird that we were in the adult world, together, at the
beginning of a work day and neither of us were looking after the kids. It felt
wrong but I will admit, delightfully so!
I successfully made it into the office and made the most
of being able to go to the toilet without a little one at my legs (and with my
nervous stomach that was quite often!) I caught up with a friend for lunch and
even managed to fake some adult conversations with my colleagues without
mentioning my toddlers’ current obsession with The Gruffalo or their refusal to eat vegetables. So this is what it’s like to be out in the
real world? It seemed so civilised!
People asked the obligatory questions, “How old are your kids?”, “Are you glad to be back?”, “You must have noticed a lot of changes
around here”, to which I answered, “3
and nearly 2…ha ha yes they keep me busy”, “No, not really”, and “No,
not really”. Things had changed I suppose but not so dramatically that I
thought I couldn’t cope, (I suppose ‘coping skills’ is a muscle that gets a
good workout as a Mum). Yes I did have some awkward conversations with
colleagues where my adult brain refused to work and I could hear my ‘little man’
telling me to just “Stop talking and walk
away!”, but all in all I survived. I can't say I'm happy to be back, but it wasn't as bad as I had imagined. And I do have to say I was just a little proud of myself
for sucking it up and getting it done.
Have
you recently returned to work? How did you find the transition? Were you
dreading it, or secretly looking forward to it? I’d love to hear about it!
Oh Nicole - I'm currently 18mths as a sahm & I never want to go back!! Currently going over my options at the moment! I am a chartered accountant by trade but not sure this is still what I want to do
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard isn't it Jess? I am still hope that my alternate Plan B is still possible but in the meantime trying not to let it get to be too much! Enjoy your time, keep me updated on your Plan B!
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